Any excuse not to go to school

As usual, the entire Blau family was seated in their chairs at the dining room table eating breakfast before Rosa made her grand entrance. There was a time, when the family would have to wait for Rosa to make her appearance before they would begin their meal, but time had shown them that the food got cold if they continued to do that. George, being the titular head of the family, decided they would not wait for Rosa anymore and that she could eat her meals whether they were still sitting at the table or not.

“Good morning, everyone!” sang Rosa in her non melodious tone as she slid along the dining room floor and sat down in her chair, which was next to her father on his right. George did not sit at the head of the table and gave that spot to Sybil. Brenda who sat on Rosa’s left was busy chasing some cereal around on her highchair tray and giggling when she thought of something funny.

“Good morning,” responded the family in unison with their mouths filled with food. George was the only one who looked up from his plate and smiled at his daughter.

“Sorry I’m late,” added Rosa for a reason only known to her, but none of the family acknowledged the remark. Rosa sat down and looked to her left and right to see what everyone was eating. Finally, she spoke up. “No oatmeal?” she asked.

Julia, whose job it was to make breakfast in addition to all the other meals, shook her head. “Maybe if you came downstairs on time,” she replied in her strong southern drawl which made everyone including Brenda cringe. There was no use asking Julia when she would stop using that accent because they knew she had no intention of stopping.

“Oh,” said Rosa as she did every morning there wasn’t any oatmeal on the table. “What are you eating?” she added.

“Omelette and bacon sandwiches,” replied Julia.

“You should try one,” said Sybil reaching for her third, while Brenda continued chasing her cereal around her highchair tray. However, she now had the added company of Wicket the cricket who slept on her pillow every night.

Julia pushed the plate piled high with the sandwiches towards Rosa.

“Are they eggless omelettes?” asked Rosa.

“What?” replied Julia, “how do you make an eggless omelette?”

“I don’t know, I’m not a cook, but I bet you could if you weren’t so selfish and thought about me sometimes.”

Everyone rolled their eyes and George smiled at Rosa. “You should try one,” he said, “they are actually very good. Probably the best thing Julia has ever made.” Yes, George was trying to flatter his eldest child, but Julia, whose repertoire extended much further than just egg and bacon sandwiches was insulted. George realising that, reached over and rubbed her wing.

“They smell bad,” replied Rosa leaning forward to push the plate filled with sandwiches away from her.

“Rosa!” said Julia rather loudly which made Wicket the cricket jump, believing he was in mortal danger of being stamped on, “Rosa!” repeated Julia, “you can’t just say you don’t like something unless you try it. I think you’re not helping yourself.”

Looking around at everyone who was munching away and Wicket who only wished he could have one replied, “ok I’ll try it.”

And with that, she reached over and lifted one onto her plate. She swallowed dramatically and then carefully picked up the sandwich and brought it close to her beak. She then put it down without taking a bite. “It doesn’t smell good,” she declared again and as that was expected, no one paid her any attention. Seeing that, Rosa finally took a bite and began to chew. About 10 seconds later, she began to pretend she was choking, but again no one paid any attention and kept on eating, with Julia taking her sixth sandwich. That was not lost on Rosa.

She kept chewing and then finally swallowed dramatically pretending she was choking. “So, what do you think?” asked Julia knowing the answer she was going to get.

“I think my tongue is dying and is going to fall out,” replied Rosa in all seriousness. Everyone rolled their eyes again.

“Your tongue can’t fall out,” laughed George debating as to whether he should take his fourth, but when he saw that Julia was on her sixth, he leaned over and took another. Meanwhile, Rosa was looking around at everyone hoping that someone would feel sorry for her, but no one paid any attention. Brenda kept chasing her cereal around on her tray now in a pool of milk while Wicket sat there following her every move mesmerized by the entire scene.

“Yes, daddy,” continued Rosa not wanting to lose any advantage she may think she had with her father. “You don’t know if anybody’s tongue has ever fallen out. You have to have faith when you’re told that.” George briefly debated whether he should enter the fray or keep eating. Wisely he decided to keep eating, knowing that if he entered the fray with Rosa, he was bound to lose. He always lost.

“Oh, my goodness! I’m late for work,” he declared standing up abruptly and walking over to Sybil to give her a kiss.

“Ba, ba,” said Rosa and George looked at her. “Ba, ba,” she repeated.

“Ba, ba,” George imitated her.

“Yes, daddy,” Rosa explained, “my tongue fell out.”

“Oh I see. I understand,” he laughed, “see you all at dinner time except of course for you Rosa. What is it we’re having Julia?”

“Roast beef,” she lied and Rosa drooped and laid her head on the table.

“Mummy,” she groaned, “can you please call Mrs Benjamin and tell her I can’t come to school because my tongue fell out?”

“Yes, Rosa dear, I’ll do that for you,” and with that she reached over and took another sandwich. “These are really good. You must make them again, Julia.” She smiled, Rosa groaned, Timmy got up from the table and went into his room, while Brenda finally managed to flick the last piece of cereal onto the floor and Wicket still sat there wondering what Brenda was going to do next.