A Clean mind

“Has anyone seen Uncle Jeremy recently?” asked George as the family sat down to dinner last Friday night.

“Aunty Elizabeth said he went back to New Jersey to clean his mind.” There was silence. George looked at Sybil who in turn looked at Rosa who just shrugged her shoulders and added, “why are you looking at me? I just told you what Elizabeth said and oh,” she hesitated for a second, “and she also said that he’ll have to stay there for years because his mind is in the gutter or was it in the sewer.” Rosa hesitated again before adding, “or something like that.” Julia shook her head, while Timmy smiled and Brenda banged her tray nearly giving Wicket a heart attack. “I think Brenda wants to eat.” Rosa stretched as far as she could across the table to pull the dish of sweet potatoes closer to her.

“Rosa!” snapped Sybil, “Rosa, have some manners. you’re not supposed to reach across the table. Ask Timmy to pass the bowl to you.” Rosa slumped back in her chair and waited her turn.

“And what about Elizabeth?” asked George not content with letting the subject of their missing relatives go.

“Maybe she’s cleaning her mind as well,” offered Rosa and that brought a peel of laughter from Julia before she closed her beak quickly, noticing the glare her mother gave her.

“Julia, you know better. There shouldn’t be any outbursts at the dinner table.”

“Especially on Shabbat,” added Timmy and George agreed.

“We can have fun, that’s what Shabbat is for, but not any loud outbursts of laughter.” After he made his pronouncement, he looked at Sybil for approval. Sybil, however, was looking at Brenda wondering how she could get rid of the cricket, who had in her opinion, become an unwelcomed guest. George dropped his shoulders slightly and asked for the turkey breast to be passed so he could carve it. That was his job. Not one willingly placed on him, but one that Sybil had, quoting from the old country manners book. It was the man of the house’s job to carve the meat.

George stood up and began to carve carefully and then he stopped for a second. He looked at Brenda and then an idea came to his mind. He lifted a very small piece of meat with the carving knife and placed it on Brenda’s tray. Wicket, believing that anything placed on the tray was fair game, and food to be shared with Brenda immediately pounced on it. He was about pick up a small piece and put it his mouth when his entire body was flattened. He struggled to catch his breath. Sybil had used the fly swat on him and was very pleased with the result.

The rest of the family sat in horror, including Brenda, who looked stunned. “I think you killed him, mummy,” said Rosa watching the look on her youngest sister’s face. Sybil, who thought she was doing a great service by ridding her household of an insect, was about to jump up and dance, suddenly felt ill after realising that she was being looked upon as a possible murderer. She dropped the fly swat, reached over and pulled Wicket out of the piece of turkey. She began smacking him on the back until he began coughing and gasp for air. Then the entire family including Sybil smiled and she accepted the applause of everyone because she was now a heroine.

George shook his head in disbelief at what his wife had done and how easily she had done it. He made a mental note to never argue with Sybil, if she was in the same room as the fly swat. Brenda jumped up and down once Wicket was fully restored and hugged him. That brought a tear to Rosa’s eye as she sat back and whispered ‘thank you’ to her mother.

Sybil was revelling in the change of her status and an old saying jumped to mind. She had gone from zero to hero in seconds flat.

Dinner continued with the usual amount of chatter, but still in the back of everyone’s mind was what Rosa had said about her uncle Jeremy. It wasn’t until dessert, which was Julia’s best key lime pie, that there was a knock on the front door of the nest. But before George could get up to see who it was, Elizabeth walked in all smiles and without being invited, pulled up a chair and sat down at the dining room table sighing.

“Just in time!” she announced. Julia, whose job it was to make sure the key lime pie was divided equally, now had to recalculate to include her aunt. At first, she didn’t want to do that, but an evil look from her mother changed er mind.

“Where’s Jeremy?” asked George as Julia redivided the pie. “Rosa said something about him flying off to New Jersey to clean his mind.”

Elizabeth laughed. “I wish,” she began, “but there again, no one could ever clean his mind. It’s like a cesspool. No, what I said was that he had gone to New Jersey, because he met someone who was opening a brewery and asked if he would be interested in a franchise in Topsail.”

Everyone immediately understood Rosa had somehow twisted what she had been told, into a story more to her liking.

“Yes, I can see that,” George said. “Jeremy owing a brewery. He’d never sell anything. He would drink all the product himself.” And then he paused for a second, “here in Topsail?” he asked in a slight panic.

“Oh, I don’t know and I don’t care,” replied Elizabeth. “Knowing Jeremy, it’s probably another one of his fantasies.”

“Oh good!” George felt better. He could imagine a brewery right behind the nest. Most of his congregants would rather go there on a Saturday morning instead of attending services, “especially,” he said out loudly, “if they sold chicken wings.”

“Gross!” shouted Rosa, “who would want to eat chicken wings? Poor chickens, what will they do then, just run along the beach? Dad, maybe you need to clean your mind.” Rosa then turned her attention to Elizabeth, “aunty, mummy nearly killed Wicket.” Elizabeth waited till she had swallowed a large piece of pie.

“Nearly?” she repeated, “what a shame! I have never defended a murderer in my life. I’ve always wanted to do that. I can see the headlines in the paper now. ‘Crackerjack attorney hired to defend murdering cousin.’ Oh, I love it!”

All this time Wicket began to slide off the tray and down one of the legs of Brenda’s highchair. As Elizabeth kept going on about the defence she would use, the rest of the family kept eating, tuning her out. Brenda though, not quite understanding what was being said, but thought it was about Wicket, picked up a pea from her tray, put into her mouth and turned towards Elizabeth. A second later, a well aimed pea travelling at low speed, ambled across the dining room table and hit Elizbeth in the face.

There was silence. Then spontaneously, everyone with the exception of Elizabeth, burst out in laugher. Wicket by this time, had walked onto the beach and tapped Melody on her shoulder as she read a book about championship pickleball. Melody looked at him. “They’re nuts in there,” he said and Melody went back to reading.

“You just figured that out, did you?” Wicket walked away with his head hung low wondering if he should finally leave the nest and return to his family in the crab sanctuary.